Lesson 33: Couple/Partner Relationships Pt. 1: Slide 7

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Using Cognitive Skills Improves Relationships

  • We all:
  • Provoke and maintain the exact relationship problems that we complain about
  • Feel like victims and tell ourselves the problem is the other person’s fault
  • Deny our own role in the conflict because self-examination is painful and we are secretly rewarded by the problem we are complaining about
  • Want to maintain our appearance of innocence
  • Have far more power than we think to change troubled relationships
  • Can change relationships if we stop blaming the other person and focus instead on changing ourselves

Notes:

Pg. 36, Burns, David D., 2008, “Feeling Good Together, The Secret To Making Troubled Relationships Work,” Broadway Books, New York.

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